A Florida Man failed to steal a septic tank with a Toyota Corolla.
But he came back the next day with a moving truck.
And the Marion County Sheriff's Office had the greatest five-word response in the history of Florida crime.
Round One: Man vs. Septic Tank
Surveillance footage from February 22 shows Alfio Nocifora pulling up to a construction site on West Highway 40 in Dunnellon, Florida.
He had a plan.
He pushed the septic tank.
He lifted the septic tank.
He shoved the septic tank toward the trunk of his Toyota Corolla.
None of it worked.
A Jeep Cherokee rolled past and Nocifora decided that was his cue to leave – without the tank, without anything except the knowledge that he had failed.
Most people stop there.
Round Two: Man Rents a Truck
Nocifora went home, thought it over, and decided the problem wasn't the plan.
The problem was the car.
https://twitter.com/FOX13News/status/2032472002817106401?s=20
He returned the very next day – February 23 – with a rented U-Haul truck.
He used the ramp.
He slid the septic tank up and into the truck.
Then he grabbed around $2,500 worth of electrical pipe while he was at it, because if you're already there, why not.
He even covered the license plate and the U-Haul identification number with tape – which is actually the one detail in this story that suggests forethought.
The man covered the plate on the truck he used to steal a septic tank.
He did not cover the surveillance cameras.
He did not cover his own face.
He did not consider that a detective might look at the footage, recognize him, track him to Citrus County, and put him in handcuffs.
The Five Words That Said Everything
When the Marion County Sheriff's Office posted about the arrest, they did not reach for legal jargon.
They said Nocifora's plan "went completely down the drain."
That is the correct response.
Nocifora now faces charges of grand theft, unlawful use of a two-way device, and intentionally obscuring a license plate during the commission of a crime.
He earned all three.
What Makes This One Different
Florida Man stories follow a formula – someone does something baffling, law enforcement responds with a punchline, the rest of America laughs.
But most Florida Man stories end after the first attempt – guy tries something dumb, fails, and becomes a headline.
Nocifora added a second act.
He went home after being foiled by a septic tank, slept on it, woke up the next morning, and made a conscious decision that the answer was a larger vehicle.
Not that the idea was bad.
Not that a septic tank was a strange thing to steal.
Not that the surveillance cameras watching him grunt and shove at a construction site in broad daylight might be a problem.
No – the issue was the car.
Get a bigger truck, problem solved.
There is something almost admirable about that level of commitment to a terrible idea, the kind of quiet stubbornness you usually only see in people who are right about something.
Nocifora was not right about anything.
But he showed up.
And the Marion County Sheriff's Office was waiting.
Down the drain, Alfio.
Sources:
- Sara Kitchin, "VIDEO: Florida man arrested after 2 attempts to steal septic tank from construction site," WFLA, March 13, 2026.
- Marion County Sheriff's Office, Arrest Report – Alfio Nocifora, February 2026.
